Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She wrote a small novella about spiders, weirdly detailing issues with paternity and health insurance.

That little girl grew up to be a communications professional with aspirations of being both a published writer and a dinosaur.

Considering her love of penis jokes and uncool liqueurs, she created a pen name. Pug Mugsly. Perfect for someone who likes dogs and drinking out of mugs. Or a time-traveling pug gangster from the 1920s. On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog.

(The subject line is true. When I was a kid, my best friend and I shared an imaginary friend who was a tornado. More details to come.)