Things You Didn’t Know: The Truth About Tater Tots

We’ve all heard of Jacuzzi, Kleenex, Post-It, Xerox—and all those other brand names that became the generic term for all forms of that product by all manufacturers.

But did you know that the humble TATER TOT lives amongst their midst?

I started to suspect something was amiss when I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some frozen tots before heading to a friend’s house. (She was making homemade tomato soup and vegan grilled cheese. I felt tots would be an appropriate side dish. Feel free to agree with me.)

Standing there, in the freezer aisle, I realized something.

Potato puffs. Tater puffs. Potato rounds. Tater treats.

Tots 4Why weren’t they called tater tots? I’d always called them tater tots.

Naturally, I consulted Wikipedia. The knowledge repository informed me that “Tater Tots” were trademarked by Ore-Ida.

The little registered trademark symbol on Ore-Ida’s website confirms this to be true.

“If it’s not Ore-Ida, it’s not Tater Tots.”

Tots 3

Goddamn Pickle Tricks

Recently, I was making a recipe for a vegan tuna salad (chickpeas, yo), and the recipe called for these stupid tiny pickles that I don’t have. Because who just has pickles? If you do have a jar of pickles, it’s probably bread and butter pickles leftover from a barbecue held in honor of your eighth birthday.

So I went to the grocery store, pretty much just to buy a jar of these specific tiny pickles. Naturally, they don’t come in small jars–they come in jars the size of my face.

When I got home and started making the recipe, it called for chopping up, like, six of the tiny pickles from this massive jar, and tossing them in the tuna salad.

Only as I was making my well-deserved sandwich, did I realize, “Chopping up pickles is sort of like relish. Wait, it is relish…. GODDAMN IT, I COULD HAVE JUST USED RELISH.”