Wow, People Really Love Penises.

The most popular post on this blog BY FAR is the one about seeing “The Golden Penis” in Prague. I’d really love to know if that post inspired anyone traveling to actually seek out The Golden Penis for themselves.

And because you guys all love phallic imagery so much, I thought I’d deliver a positive message in the form of a drawing. JUST REMEMBER, you get to decide who you are in this world. No one can tell you who or what to be. Only you can define yourself.

"I'm not a dick!"(And for anyone thinking, “Good lord! What would your mother say if she saw this?!” If my life up until this point is any indication, she would take the tablet stylus away from me and say, “Come on, Pug. You can do better. That’s not how you draw a penis. I’ll show you how to draw a penis.” Then she’d hover over my shoulder until I got it right.)

Most Important Thing to See in Prague: The Golden Penis

Prague is a beautiful city. This is a given.

Ancient architecture, streets that curl and wind like Christmas ribbon. Castles. Despite all the tourists, you can see a fairytale city just under the surface.

But it’s so easy to burn out on beautiful buildings. Look, there’s one. Oh hey, another one. So many beautiful buildings. Staying in Prague? Guess what, you’re in a beautiful building. Going out to eat? This restaurant is also a beautiful building.

It should come as a surprise to no one that my favorite memory of Prague is touching The Golden Penis at Prague Castle. Honestly, I don’t know if that’s what it’s actually called. But that’s what we should all call it now. You’re welcome, Prague Tourism Board.

I had not been expecting it. The statue of a boy stood proudly in a square, surrounded by people all avoiding eye contact. The penis had been rubbed shiny by previous visitors. Families, a group of young men, other tourists–you could tell they all wanted to touch it,  but were afraid of looking like weirdos.

This was my chance to shine. Because I am truly excellent at looking like a weirdo. Thrusting my phone at my travel companion, I stood erect in front of the statue and placed my hand directly upon The Golden Penis. The crowed laughed. And then cheered. Strangers spoke excitedly in foreign languages.

“You all know you want the same picture!” I prompted the crowd of tourists in English, still laughing. (Since my Czech is actually rusty Polish.) I used hand gestures and indicative head tilts to encourage an older Czech woman there with her grown children. And you know what? She went for it.

(Moment of pride: The horrified “Mama!” from her fully adult son.)

And while I don’t remember where exactly this statues was on castle grounds (truth–I had just drank the strongest Irish coffee of my life), that makes it even better. Now it’s your journey. To try and find The Golden Penis.

IMG_7731Dicks: Bringing international cultures together since the dawn of time.