6 Truly Scary Halloween Shots

Need to bring something fun last-minute to a Halloween party? Never fear! (Except when it comes to your own mortality.) I have prepared this list of truly terrifying Halloween shots.

Please note: I don’t believe in measuring.
The Ghost
1 part espresso
1 part kahlua
(Because it keeps you up all night.)
Always delivered with the reminder, “We’re all going to die one day. Enjoy.”

1 part granny apple vodka
3 pennies from the bottom of your purse
1 Lemonhead
(Let the lemonhead dissolve. That gives it that jolt to really make it come alive.)
Don’t worry about the pennies, alcohol kills germs.

The Sexy Vampire
Tomato juice
A dash of pepper
Serve with tampon as garnish.

The Basic Bitch
1/2 teaspoon of pumpkin spice
Apple cider

The Trick or Treat
2 shot glasses
In one: Sprite and Bubblegum Vodka
In the other: Sparkling Salt Water
Choose wisely.

The Slimer
1 teaspoon corn starch
Stir and let sit for 60 seconds.
Try not to puke.


Goddamn Pickle Tricks

Recently, I was making a recipe for a vegan tuna salad (chickpeas, yo), and the recipe called for these stupid tiny pickles that I don’t have. Because who just has pickles? If you do have a jar of pickles, it’s probably bread and butter pickles leftover from a barbecue held in honor of your eighth birthday.

So I went to the grocery store, pretty much just to buy a jar of these specific tiny pickles. Naturally, they don’t come in small jars–they come in jars the size of my face.

When I got home and started making the recipe, it called for chopping up, like, six of the tiny pickles from this massive jar, and tossing them in the tuna salad.

Only as I was making my well-deserved sandwich, did I realize, “Chopping up pickles is sort of like relish. Wait, it is relish…. GODDAMN IT, I COULD HAVE JUST USED RELISH.”